Oh Ryan Ross

We're so mean to this boy, me and my Muse.

Muse: Well, if you wrote fic about me, I might be slightly weirded out. And then you'd have to tell people how I can't even do my state taxes myself.
Me: Whatever, Ryan probably doesn't even know what state taxes are. He probably doesn't even know they exist. And Spencer comes over once a year and is all, "you know that nice little box at the end of your driveway? With the pretty red flag on it?"
Muse: "That's where the magical mailman brings the postal letters."

And then, somehow, a discussion of Morrissey led to the following insanity...
Me: I like pretty drum kits.
Muse: You like pretty drummers. *winks saucily*
Me: I do. I like pretty drummers and their pretty kits and their pretty hips and their pretty hair and their pretty eyes. *sigh*
Muse: But not their pr0n-staches.
Me: Oh my god. So, look, they all just had a bit of bad facial hair chicken going on in bandom. That's all I can figure, okay? because *everyone* was doing it. And then I watched this interview with FOB the other day and Patrick was saying how fans were upset that he shaved his chops and then he grew them back and now they're calling him scruffy and I was just like, whatever, the shit you make each other do to your facial hair/hair is so, so much worse.
Muse: Lol. That's why Ryan is all "beard me." He wants someone to challenge him to a bad facial-hair game of (making the fans lose their) wits.
Me: Hehe. He's got this long, pretty, curly hair right now. If he did something to make it bad, I would keeel him. Especially since Brendon's is finally growing back out, and Spence no longer as the 'stache.
Muse: Just you watch. Jon Walker will show up somewhere in cornrows or something just because he can.
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOs
Muse: And, not to be out-done, Gabe will insist on wearing one of those Paris Hilton extensions-attached-to-a-headband things, but in a shade that is nowhere near his own hair colour.
Me: well. That would be alright.
Muse: And Ryan will move on to his Dapper-Farmer stage and start wearing a straw cowboy hat that he NEVER REMOVES. IT WILL HAVE A TURQUOISE HAT-BAND BUCKLE.
Me: look, as long as he leaves his hair, facial and otherwise, alone. And Brendon would steal it.
Muse: He totally would. Actually, it would turn into this large-scale bandom hat-theft war that escalates until someone steal Patrick's hat and then IT IS ON. And somewhere in all this noise, Andy shows up with his hair in dozens and dozens of those colourful string-braid things you get at amusement parks..
Me: with charms on the end of each one. Oh my god, it would be like a game, where Brendon stole the hat and sent it to another one of the bands and they wore it on stage and Ryan would get so livid.
Muse: Especially when each person to whom the hat gets passed on adds their own little touch. So by the time RyRo gets it back, it's been re-shaped like a musketeer hat, and has, like a hodge-podge of mismatching feathers sticking up all around the hat band, and it has, like, magic marker polka dots all over.
Me: And he goes on a f**king spree. At some point during which Patrick's hat gets stolen. But not by Ryan, because he's not that stupid.
Muse: And it happens just before FOB is supposed to go on-stage, so Patrick is forced to borrow one of Pete's hobo ski caps, which starts this whole volley of speculation around the internets that this is "proof positive that they are BOYFRIENDS! y/y?"
Me: Pete's all like "We have Ryan's cowboy hat this week, if you want that instead?" and Patrick just *glares* and Ashlee bedazzles it, and Joe's just like, "No, Ash. You're doing it all wrong. You're supposed to do something Ryan *wouldn't* like."
Muse: And then she picks off half of the bedazzlings so that it's just ugly globs of hardened hot-glue. And Pete wears the hat instead. But, like, as a belt-buckle. Because
it all comes back to Pete's cock in the end.
Me: How would you even wear that as a belt buckle? Then Ryan's like "Nevermind. I don't want to wear it anymore"
Muse: Which, of course, makes Pete do the victory lap because RyRo's concession means that he wins the hat war. And then he has the hat, like, bronzed and mounted.
Me: And Ryan looks at it mournfully every time he goes into AK47. But, seriously, I still need to know how he wears it as a belt buckle.
Muse: He cuts holes in the sides of the crown - like when they cut ear-holes for horses to wear old hats? - and threads his belt through it.
Me: oh dear lord. The thing is, it's this epic joke on the 'net, too, so fans are following the progress.
Muse: At some point before the Belt Buckle Incident, they manage to rig the hat as a baby carrier and Ashley is seen toting Bronx around in it.